View from the middle

My Sarcastic Letter to the Government

2010-01-15T13:03:00.000-06:00

Dear Government,

I’d like to thank you for the credit card legislation that you enacted last year that takes effect last month. We all know that credit card companies prey on customers providing them with more credit than they can handle and allowing them to dig themselves into credit holes which they cannot get out. And it was sure nice of you to give the credit card companies so many months before they needed to comply. Without that lead time they would not have been able to make sweeping changes that they couldn’t make after the legislation takes place. I’m really glad that you gave them the opportunity to terminate my 7% fixed rate credit card and replace it with a variable rate card. And it is so much better paying prime + 10% even though my company agrees I have an excellent credit rating and payment history. Good thing that you allow them to charge us citizens 11% interest when they can only have to pay 0.25% on the money they borrow. Thanks for stepping in and fixing things.

While we are talking about banks, you should continue to keep portraying banks as evil corporations who stole tax money to give to their executives. Never mind the fact that they are paying interest on that money or that the interest rate is 5% higher than it would cost them to get it from the reserve bank. Keep on ignoring the fact that you forced many banks to take the money on the basis that it is their “patriotic duty”. Your undermining of the financial institutions will undoubtedly boost confidence in our economy and lead us out of this recession.

Speaking of bailouts, good job helping out the automotive industry. Way to think through your stipulations about giving them money and not give them any direction. Forcing them to cut costs immediately, I think you gave them 30 days, was an excellent way to drive them to cut 30,000 employees. It’s not like unemployment is an issue in this country. We sure are glad you didn’t get involved and help them fight the unions. Instead, employees and retirees get to keep their “gold plated” health plans and furloughed employees still get paid 80% of their salaries for not working. Nice job.

I can’t wait to see the impact on your health care reform. Who cares that by not allowing insurance companies to charge more for higher risk people and forcing them to cover everyone they’ll have to increase the cost for everybody. And I am glad you didn’t bother attempting to decrease the cost of healthcare by limiting the amount of profits of pharmaceutical companies and hospital corporations. Don’t bother worrying about their CEO bonuses like you do the evil bankers. And don’t worry about increasing competition by allowing insurance companies to compete across state lines. I am sure that we’ll all be much better off with this plan.

Thanks for helping out.

Sarcastically,
The View from the Middle

Talk Radio

2009-09-22T15:48:00.001-05:00

In the spirit of providing equal time for all candidates I sought out a progressive/liberal radio station in the Chicagoland area to offset the conservative talk radio station on my preset. Over the past week I have been switching back and forth depending on commercials and my level of interest in the segment and thus far I conclude that progressives are much more vicious than conservatives.

For years I have been listening to WIND 560 AM in Chicago. In the mornings it is Cisco Cotto and John Howell and I can tell you that a conservative Puerto Rican paired up with the old white guy makes for interesting radio. In the afternoons I am entertained by Michael Savage who, while being conservative, is angry at just about everybody.

If you haven't noticed, I refer to WIND as conservative and not right wing. It may be because their comments are similar to my own but I find these two programs close to center. Cotto and Howell will often examine both sides of the argument. Even though Savage believes that he is always correct on an issue his core beliefs are difficult to argue (Culture, Borders, and Language). I do not listen to "right-wing" radio mainly because I can't find it on the dial. Thus, I do not spew the rhetoric of Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity. It also means that I cannot defend or deny their positions.

This morning as John and Cisco were focusing on entertainment I jumped over to the Stephanie Miller Show for my first heavy dose of "progressive" radio. In the half hour that I listened I found that the left is just as angry and illogical as the right. Obviously, today's show focused on Rep. Joe Wilson's blurt during President Obama's speech the other night. While I agree that his comments were inappropriate and disrespectful in that setting I found the venom which he was attacked by Ms. Miller surprising.

The position started off with her calling him a liar. While technically correct, I think most people would have pointed out that Wilson was incorrect and not lying. She took a couple of callers who attempted to defend Wilson's statement with different versions of the bills that have been floated around and using her pulpit shot them down with the line in HR3200 that says no illegal immigrants will participate in the government option. When faced with the two amendments requiring proof of citizenship that were shot down she stood on her previous comment and bullied the callers off of the air. Nothing new for a talk show host but then the attacks grew.
The next caller was a doctor from the east coast who defended Wilson with a previous speech by President Obama. In the speech the President was pointing out that primary care physicians can help reduce medical expenses by getting in front of medical problems and gave the example of a diabetic who with regular visits to a doctor can save money and avoid say a foot amputation at the cost of $30,000, $40,000, even $50,000. The doctor went on to say that as a surgeon an amputation is only in the neighborhood of $1,500 and that the exaggeration was misleading. I personally support the doctor and believe that if officials are presenting information to the public that it should be factual. Ms. Miller and her cohorts mocked the doctor saying he missed the point President Obama was making. Rather that taking the opinion of a medial professional in a medical debate they scoffed him and dismissed his comments all together.

I finally reached my fill as they continued their attack on Rep. Wilson first by inferring that he was a racist because he blurt was against the first African-American President and then building to straight up calling him a racist from a racist state. That had put me over the edge. The focus had completely changed from a discussion about the inappropriateness of his comments to a personal attack on the man. The motivation of the slander was then revealed when they gave out the campaign fund of his opponent in next year's election.

Recently there was a letter to the editor in my local paper that drew a lengthy discussion from a reader who was compelled to say that all listeners to conservative radio were pinheads. As constructive as that was the ensuing discussion was quite vehement. My foray into progressive talk radio has built upon some of the conclusions that I drew from that argument. I found that the progressive hosts direct most of their anger towards the right winged media. They will often attack Limbaugh and Hannity and denounce the people that listen to them. The conservative hosts that I am familiar with focus on the politicians who are making the laws. The actions of Nancy Pelosi, Barney Frank, and President Obama are discussed. Logically, I like that I am getting news of laws and politics that despite being the interpretation of the host I can analyze and develop my own opinion. I find that attempting to knock down the credibility of other media members and their listeners is a disservice to the listener and comes across as somewhat condescending.

Please let me know your thoughts on any of my rambling here. Also, please let me know of any radio show on the air in Chicago between 7:30-9:00 am and 4:30-6:30 pm that you suggest. I'm just trying to get good information these days and that is not as easy as it seems.

2008-08-29T22:15:00.001-05:00

Boat for sale. Cruiser for sale. Indiana boat for sale. Illinois boat for sale. Michigan boat for sale. New Buffalo Boat for Sale. Cruisers Inc. Cruisers Yachts. Cruisers Rogue. Cruisers Rogue 286. Buy my boat. Boat sale. Boat Trader. Yacht for Sale. express cruiser. sport yacht.

5762

2008-07-07T10:04:00.001-05:00

5762

Why I Hate the Media #7 - Katie Holmes Movie Bombs

2008-01-21T20:56:00.000-06:00

For those of you who don't know, I hate the media. I hate that they cover topics long after they are beaten into the ground and I hate headlines that are supposed to be attention grabbers but are really just moronic.

Today's headline that raised my ire was "Katie Holmes Movie Bombs". No shit Sherlock. Which Katie Holmes movie hasn't bombed?

Just because the media feels compelled to cover Katie, Tommy, and their rug rat doesn't mean any facet of their lives is newsworthy. But come on people, did you really think that Katie Holmes, Queen Latifa, and Diane Keaton in a burglary movie was theater worthy. Sounds like straight to DVD to me and the discouragement of seeing Queen Lafatty and Diane Keaton far outweighs any desire to see Miss Holmes dancing around the screen (I saw the trailer for the movie).

But if your thinking this just one bad decision for Katie Holmes here is a list of the feature films she has been a part of:

The Ice Storm - never heard of it
Disturbing Behavior (1998) - really bad sci-fi flick
Go (1999) - really bad teen movie
Muppets from Space (1999) - a muppet movie, enough said
Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999) - another bad teen movie
Wonder Boys (2000) - a good movie but Katie only has a bit part
The Gift (2000) - she plays the woman who goes missing
Phone Booth (2002) - decent movie, she has about 4 lines
Abandon (2002) - caught this on on Lifetime on a sick day, that about sums up the movie as well.
The Singing Detective (2003) - Robert Downey Jr., Robin Wright Penn, Mel Gibson, and Adrian Brody and I still never heard of it. (editors note: Robert Downey Jr. won best actor for this film at the Catalonian International Film Festival)
Pieces of April (2003) - more like pieces of crap-ril.
First Daughter (2004) - Bad
Batman Begins (2005) - nice job jumping on the bandwagon
Thank You for Not Smoking (2005) - Not even listed on the first page of the cast

I think it is fair to say that with this repertoire another box office bomb is no headline.

Idiots

2007-12-28T16:31:00.000-06:00

Here is what's wrong with America today.

In 2004, the movie Kill Bill Vol. 2 was released on 3,073 screens and was available in theaters for over 4 months. That same year, the movie White Chicks was released on 2800 screens and was in theaters for 2 1/2 months. I am embarrassed to inform you that White Chicks outgrossed Kill Bill $70.8M to $66.2M. Over a half million people saw that piece of crap in the theaters in less time than a Quentin Tarintino flick.

Internationally, movie goers must have a better pallatte seeing that Kill Bill Vol. 2 outgrossed White Chicks $85M to $42M.

Other quality movies decimated by White Chicks' gross earnings:
The Manchurian Candidate $65.9M
Miracle $64.3M
Friday Night Lights $61.2M
Hotel Rwanda $23.5M

Other tripe that people flocked to like lemmings:
The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement $95.1M
Mean Girls $86.0M
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie $85.4
Scooby Doo 2 $84.2M
Garfield: The Movie $75.3M

For the love of god, please stop going to the theaters to see this crap. Don't let your kids see this crap. Don't let your friends see this crap. If no one goes to see this crap then they will stop making this crap.

Poor Bathroom Etiquette

2007-12-03T16:59:00.001-06:00

I just, literally minutes ago, experienced a quite uncomfortable situation in the restroom here at the j-o-b.

The restroom closest to my office has 4 urinals and 6 toilets. Each urinal has a divider between them which I assume is there to prevent peeking. So I am standing at urinal #1 against the wall as you approach the four horsemen. Immediately after me enters another person who proceeds to #4. Proper etiquette dictates that if there is a man at #1 then the proper selection is either #3 or #4. In this case #4 is a child’s height urinal so the usual selection is #3.

So there I am doing my business, actually I am playing piss volleyball with a soda bottle ring I dropped in there last Thursday, when two additional guys walk in having a conversation. This is where things get weird. The first man in walks up to urinal #3, leaving #2 wide open. His partner in the conversation positions himself at #2 but not to do his business. He not only continues talking, a major restroom violation, but he does a quarter turn and is looking right into the side of the first man in.

My general rule is no talking while at the urinal. If someone asks a question that you feel compelled to answer it must be done so with eyes forward and preferably looking up. Answers may not be more that four word sentences and whether you are finished or not you must immediately leave the urinal to prevent the questioner from delving deeper into a conversation.

As if leading by example I follow that rule even though I am not part of this conversation. I shut down, zipped up, quickly washed my hands, and bolted from the area. I don’t know what the conversation was about, nor do I care. It was my responsibility not to condone this type of behavior and removing myself from its presence seemed like the appropriate course of action.

BALL!

2007-11-16T22:10:00.001-06:00

When watching a football game with someone there is one word that will let you know if that person has played organized football. For some reason the reaction is ingrained into your memory and comes out as a reflex whenever it occurs.

I came to this realization listening to a highlight of the radio call for the Bears-Raiders game. The play occurred late in the fourth quarter as Oakland took possession after the Bears first touchdown. On the play, Bears defensive end Adewale Ogunleye comes off of the corner and punches the ball out of the quarterbacks hand and Isreal Idonije recovers the ball at the three yard line.

The Bears play by play announcer Jeff Joniak does a fine job calling the play. He gets exited but continues to describe the fumble on the play. Hearing the call brings back one of the few good memories of the game.

But it's Joniak's partner in the booth that makes me come to the realization that all football players are conditioned for the same response. As soon as the ball is knocked out of the quarterback's hands Tom Thayer, a former NFL lineman, shouts "Ball" at the top of his lungs. It is the same response that I had when I saw the play live.

No matter how long ago you played organized football, as long as you played at the high school level or above you will inevitably have the same response on this type of play. If you watch closely, an ex-football player will always yell "ball". It's instinctive.

Others will usually say nothing or announce that there was a fumble on the play. Although that is likely the proper word to describe the play football coaches nationwide preach to their players to yell "Ball". Somehow, this reaction stays with you forever.

My Friends

2007-10-23T10:54:00.000-05:00

Unknowingly I performed a social experiment on my friends. It wasn’t until after the fact that I had realized what had occurred and the conclusions that had been drawn.

The Scenario
On Sunday we held a birthday party for my 5 year old daughter Poochie. Originally the party had been scheduled to begin at noon to accommodate the start of the Bears game. Fortunately, we discovered early enough that the game had a 3:15 start time and the party was rescheduled for 1:30. The thought process was that we could get through all of the arrivals and kids games by 3:00 at which time we could serve food. Cake and presents would be had around half time leaving the guests to enjoy the rest of the game.

Shortly after the invitations went out I was notified by Fig (star of the Ask Fig show, www.askfig.com) and the Kogut family (aka #1 fan of the Ask Fig show, www.askfig.com) that they would be arriving in time to watch the noon games as well. With this knowledge in hand I made sure that the party preparations accommodated the extension. Extra snacks were purchased, appetizers were planned accordingly, and most importantly extra beer was purchased.

In my initial preparation for the party I had purchased what I considered a fair amount of beer for a 5 yr olds birthday party on a Sunday afternoon with about 25 adults in attendance.

24 bottles of Miller Lite
18 bottles of Molson Canadian
12 cans of Tecate
6 bottles of Bud Light
6 bottles of St. Paulie Girl
6 bottles of Bergoff lager
6 bottles of Spaten Oktoberfest

With the new start time I ran out for some back-up brew just to make sure that we didn’t run out. The beer of choice was a 30 pack of Miller High Life in the “After the Hunt” packaging. Intended for back-up purposes only, the choice was made on appearance more than on taste. Instead of the standard gold can with red writing, these gems came in an orange can with black writing. Orange beer cans, Bears game, perfect.

Those familiar with the Indiana studios of the Ask Fig show (www.askfig.com) are aware that the basement level has been finished to accommodate a bar, 50” HD television, and appropriate seating. It was here that I loaded up the refrigerator with the bottled beers and Tecate that I had originally purchased. All bottles were placed caringly into the refrigerator with labels up and caps forward so that my guests could easily see what was available. The Miller High Life was literally dumped into a cooler and was banished to the garage.

The Results
As guests arrived for the party they were informed of where the beverages were located. “Pop and juice is in the kitchen. There is an assortment of beers in the bar including Lite, Molson Canadian, Tecate, and more in the bar in the basement. And there is Miller High Life in the garage.”

As the party was flowing I noticed that many of the guests were drinking cans of beer instead of bottles. There were also many jokes and imitations involving being “purveyors of the High Life”. The cooler in the garage remained full but now with bottled water and juice boxes since the other beverage choice was being removed.

After the party I took inventory to see how well I prepared and what leftovers I had remaining. The cooler was void of any signs of orange cans of Miller High Life. The refrigerator was mostly full of bottles of more costly beverages.

The Conclusion
Base on the events of this party I have drawn two conclusions about my friends.

They are not particular about whether they drink from a bottle or a can.
They so lazy that they would rather drink an average beer from a can instead of going down a flight of stairs for a premium beer.

Come and get 'em

2007-09-14T13:44:00.000-05:00

The local Wal-Mart has Indianapolis Colts 2005 AFC South championship hats for sale at full price. Send me $14.99 and I'll go pick you up one.

Things that piss me off - #1 Sports Reporters

2007-09-05T05:37:00.000-05:00

I am starting to get really pissed off at the Sports Reporters at the Chicago Sun-Times. Granted, I continue to buy the paper but I have begun to skip columnists because I am tired of their repeated rants.

Offender #1 is Jay Marrioti. Ozzie Guillen doesn't like you and you don't like Ozzie Guillen. Got it. Now drop it. I'm tired of seeing you publish an article once a week talking about how he needs to be fired. It doesn't matter whether you have a valid point or not. You only come across as a whiny baby.

Offense #2 - Unjust headlines. I draw exception to many of the headlines that are out there just to grab attention. The one that raised my ire recently was that the Sox young pitcher pitcher who blew an early lead in another loss. The kid gave up three runs over 6+ innings. That doesn't qualify for the gigantic demise that the headline incinuates.

Offense #3 - Incorrect Conclusions. On the same day as the above there were four articles praising the Cubs for the failed trade of Jacque Jones as he provided the clutch hit in a Cub victory. They treated it like he turned his season around and won the triple crown. The guy got one hit in a critical situation. This does not deserve the adulations of four articles.

It's not just the papers though. In the Jones situation there were numerous reports on the radio as well. It makes everyone who throws out the accolades sound like idiots. We need to be able to trust our reporters and the "news" they present.

Cliche of the Month

2007-09-04T10:33:00.001-05:00

How's this for a cliche?

White male in big-ass truck leaving Wal-Mart parking lot in a small Indiana town blasting Bon Jovi's Bad Medicine?

I may be turning Hoosier more and more every day whether I like it or not.

5114

2007-05-11T13:01:00.000-05:00

5114

What I've been up to

2007-03-23T08:51:00.000-05:00

Look at this kid. Two posts in one week. Could he be getting back into the blog game. We'll see. Of course, everything being posted lately is for my own personal satisfaction and probably of no interest to anyone else.

In case you were wondering, here is what I've been up to lately.

The Ask Fig Show - yes we three idiots are still on the air. Seems like we are as strong as ever. I've been attempting to get more "guests" on the air. My latest attempt was for members of the Windy City Rollers, Chicago's femle roller derby team. Be sure to listen on Wednesday nights at 9:00 pm CST. WWW.ASKFIG.COM
Sparkpeople.com - I've stuck to this program for over two months now. I lost 20 pounds, from 236 to 216. I've really not done much different. I eat 1400-1800 calories a day. Which was easy once I cut out 1 can of coke and stopped eating cookies & milk with the kids before bedtime. And I try to excercise three tim per week. I really suggest anyone looking to eat healthier to sign up. If you do, join the Friends of Boskey Radio West sparkteam.
Work - The man has been kicking my ass for 5 weeks now. I expect things to calm down in about a week after this quarter end. Only problem is that I will have to keep the feet to the fire in order to not be in the same predicament three months from now.

That's about it. If I can think of anything more universal I'll try to jot it down.

5021

I'm in the teens

2007-03-20T16:15:00.000-05:00

In case anyone was keeping up with my progress. My weight has broken into the teens. I officially weighed in at 219 last week and may be as low as 215 depending on how accurate my scale is.

Since I was stuck on 220 for about 3 weeks this is a bit of an accomplishment.

If anyone is on Sparkpeople.com, feel free to join the Friends of the Askfig Show sparkteam.

Sparkpeople.com

2007-02-02T14:13:00.000-06:00

I guess I am not dead after all.

I found something that I am compelled to blog about. As my formerly faithful readers are aware, I occasionally blogged (and joked) about several weight loss programs and/or diets that I was attempting. Usually those programs lasted about an hour, maybe a week, and I sent an update about a month later that there was no update.

I have finally found a program that I am really geeked about. I started it about two weeks ago when I realized that I no longer was fitting into my dress shirts. It kind of snuck up on me because it was not that they were getting tight around the mid-section. They became tight around the neck. Which I did not know until I had to wear a tie one day.

So I set out one day to see how many calories I was consuming when I stumbled across http://sparkpeople.com/. I signed up (it's free) so that I could use the calorie counted. I found out that it is a whole lot more. Rather than get into the details I suggest you check it out.

At a high level there are three main components.

Monitoring what you eat - There is a page where you track what you eat every day and it gives you your totals (calories, fat, carbs). It also tells you your recommended range for your weight loss goals.
Fitness - The site gives you a fitness program to follow. I designed mine for cardio and strength. For strength I do a series of body weight execises (push up, crunchies, etc). For cardio I ride the exercise bike.
Community - Like a blog you can create posts, join groups, etc. I really haven't gotten into this side much.

I can tell you this has really changed the way I approach my diet. I am actually watching what I eat and a working out regularly. Because of this I am more conscious about snacking and portions.

I find it interesting because I have attacked this new diet with the same devotion I had when I started blogging. I look forward to logging on and tracking my progress, I find myself thinking about the diet and exercise all of the time, and I have something to do in my spare time at the office.

Best of all, I have lost 12 pounds in two weeks. If I can keep this up for a year and a half like I did with this blog, I will likely lose about 40-50 lbs.

Wish me luck. And if you join, sign up for the "Friends of Boskey Radio West" community.

The End of the End

2006-12-20T16:13:00.000-06:00

We need to talk.

I think it's time for this relationship to come to an end. It's not you, it's me. I've changed. Maybe it is the additional responsibility at work. Maybe I just don't have the energy to carry on.

I've been thinking about this for weeks. I just don't have that feeling anymore. I can't express it in words, which is the main problem.

We both knew that this time would eventually come. It's not that I don't care about you anymore. I think of you a lot. I just have nothing to contribute to this relationship.

In case you were wondering, I am not running around behind your back. I'm not cheating on you with MySpace. You are the only one for me and there will be no others.

You deserve better. You deserve someone who will be there when you come looking. You deserve the attention your require.

I may be back occasionally. Maybe we can discuss things then.

Good Bye and Good Luck

University of Chief Illiniwek

2006-11-13T16:19:00.000-06:00

During the introductions of last night's Bears-Giants game on Sunday Night Football, New York Offensive Guard, David Diehl announced that he was from the "University of Chief Illiniwek". Thus leading to today's topic.

Normally I am a traditionalist when it comes to these intro's. I prefer the athletes to state their school whithout any ad lib. Things started to change a few years back when a bunch of athletes decided that they went to "THE Ohio State University." After reading the FHM article, I expected all former University of Miami to state they went to "The U". Other players have wandered off of the script as well.

Suprisingly, I was proud of Diehl's proclaimation. Obviously, I am on the side to Save the Chief. I think the Fighting Illini Indian is a dignified symbol of Native American ancestry. It should definitely not be looped in with Chief Wahoo of the Cleveland Indians.

When did sports symbols become derogatory anyway? Most of them were created to honor various groups. Mascots in my area are the Olympians (athletes), Rockets & Astros (astronauts), Porters, Steelmen, Brickies, and even the Cavemen. They were named to honor the people of the area and graduates, these don't demean.

Frankly, I support the use of Indian symbols as a remembrance of indians in general. If it weren't for sports symbols, society would likely forget about the indians all together. They would soon be thought of as often as the ancient Romans or Egyptians. The days of the Westerns are over, kids no longer play cowboys and indians.

My 4 year old daughter had no clue what an indian was when I asked her. If it wasn't for the Disney movie Pocahontas I would have had no reference.

The indian heritage is an important part of the history of our nation. I fear that it will be forgotten if we no longer honor them with our sports teams.

For those of you not familiar, here is Wikipedia's overview of the Chief Illiniwek debate.

Nuclear Web Site

2006-11-09T06:13:00.000-06:00

I agree that is was a bad move by the Republicans to put documents that detail how to make nuclear and other weapons on a government web site.

Now that I have agreed with you wackos (Gilman C. and Iwanski respectively) who always take what I say and turn it around so that you can spew your left wing propaganda, here is an interesting point that I found in the NY Times article about the error. And yes, it's a NY Times article so don't accuse me of reading right slanted materials on the subject.

The information in question was taken from Iraqi government documents detailing their designs for nuclear weapons including cross sections of bomb cores and high-explosive experiments. Are we still supposed to believe that Iraq did not have nuclear ambitions and in the 5 years after these documents were that they did not make any additional strides and instead abandoned the idea completely because the UN asked them to?

I agree that is was a bad move by the Republicans to put documents that detail how to make nuclear and other weapons on a government web site.

Ask Fig Anniversary

2006-11-08T21:00:00.000-06:00

Tonight is the One Year Anniversary of the Ask Fig Show.

What does that mean? It means Fig, Bosk, and I have had nothing better to do during the middle of the week for one whole year. A little less for me since I spent the first couple of months as the show's number one fan prior to becoming the main contributer of topics.

The Ask Fig Show

1 Year Extravaganza

Wed November 8th

9:00 p.m.

Askfig.com

As always, any questions posted to this blog are guaranteed to be posed during the broadcast.

Decision Maker

2006-11-07T06:40:00.000-06:00

According to the Chicago Sun-Times

Rod Blagojevich beverage of choice is beer.
Judy Baar Topinka prefers wine.

Hope that makes your decision easier.

Voters Beware

2006-11-07T06:38:00.000-06:00

Dick's got an itchy trigger finger, you'd better watch out at the polls today.

It Burns

2006-11-06T06:36:00.000-06:00

I did a little research and it has been exactly four months since the final posting of The Kingpin Workout. For those of you who do not recall, I began The Kingpin Workout in preparation for this summer's Championship Run of Speaker City Softball. Like the Championship Run of Speaker City Softball, the Kingpin Workout fell short of expectations. Precisely, the Kingpin Workout consitituted one 20-minute session on the exercise bike. Not one session repeated over a period of time, one single session.

About that thime the exercise bike was put into hibernation while the Basement Finishing project went into high gear. Abandonded to a darkly lit corner it sat until last week when it was pulled out and placed in its new position near the television. It sat there for a week unused but thought about daily. Finally last night, in an attempt to escape the mayhem created by two sugared up toddlers, we began the Kingpin Offseason Program.

Dusted off (partially) and ready to go, I jumped on armed with a remote control and a desire to push through a 30-minute hill routine. Here's how it went:

30:00 Began bike routine #2
28:15 This is easy, I should do this every night!
25:30 I wonder if I could use the laptop while riding?
24:00 Maybe this isn't as easy as I thought it would be.
20:25 Maybe I shouldn't have worn jeans.
16:13 There is a chance that I may not be able to finish, how embarrasing.
11:05 Wearing jeans was a terrible idea
9:50 Less than 10 minutes to go
7:32 My jeans are separating the boys like Moses and the Red Sea
4:20 My God, is this ever going to end!
2:05 Does chafing leave any permanent marks?
0:59 Kill me, kill me now!
0:00 Screw winding down, get me the hell off this thing.

Shortly thereafter my knees buckled while walking up the stairs almost prematurely ending the Kingpin Offseason Program. The goal is to give it another go tonight. The over/under on when I'll actually get back on is Friday.

Wish me luck.

For my Friends

2006-11-02T07:11:00.000-06:00

Happy Halloween

2006-11-01T07:10:00.000-06:00

If you ever want to pick up some extra candy on Halloween, drag along a couple of toddlers with you. These guys made out like bandits.

Da Bears

2006-10-30T07:00:00.000-06:00

I know that the postings have been light lately and I really don't have much to say.

How 'bout dem Bears. It hasn't been often that as a Bears fan you could turn the game off at halftime with complete confidence that they would win the game. Shockingly, I did yesterday. With the Bears up 41-0 on the lowly 49ers I decided the next two hours would be better spent hanging out outside with the kids. Granted, I left the TV on with the curtains open so that I could peek in and stay updated. Seeing that aside from a late 10 points from the niners I really didn't miss much, I think I made the wise decision.

Sixty degree days in late October don't come along very often in these parts. Playing with my kids was much more important that sitting on my ass watching a laugher of a football game. If it was a nailbiter would it have been a different story? We'll never know.

The Foley Scandal

2006-10-20T06:33:00.000-05:00

I thought it was about time I chimed in on the Mark Foley debate. This has been interesting to me on many levels.

At first I was surprised to hear that there was an out of the closet homosexual who was voted to Congress as a Republican. It just seems contradictory to all of the stereotypes of the Republican party. Then I became surprised at the veracity that the Democrats and the media had in attacking the man. If anyone were to be sympathetic to a gay politician I thought these two groups would come to his defense.

Shortly after the story broke I heard Steve Dahl (yes he is still alive) talking about the “Rehab Defense”. Apparently, going to rehab is the best defense for doing something bad.
Get caught hitting on young boys, go to rehab.
Make anti-Semitic remarks to a cop, go to rehab (Mel Gibson)
Make some really bad movies, go to rehab (Robin Williams)
Once you go to rehab, the media will leave you alone. When Foley went to rehab the media quit attacking him. They refocused their attention on Dennis Hastert for possibly being aware that Foley liked young boys. Foley was out of the hot seat and suddenly Hastert was in the fire.

The latest twist to the story was when Foley used the final of the trifecta of excuses in this case.
Excuse #1 – I’m Gay
Excuse #2 – I’m a Drunk
Excuse #3 – I was molested by a priest
He is really trying to pull all of the trump cards on this one. I can see this becoming the new “in” defense. If someone does something slightly sleazy we will soon expect to see this excuse.

Please understand that I am in no way condoning the actions of Mark Foley. I find his actions towards the young men appalling. But the man did not break any laws. The age of consent in Washington DC is 16 (along with 32 of the 50 states). Aside from some sodomy laws, he could have had relations with these men in two thirds of the nation.

I have also heard the argument that Foley was in a position of power of the pages and that his actions could be considered sexual harassment. While I agree, I do not believe that Foley was the only congressman or congresswoman who has hit on someone with less power than them. Knowing our politicians, it is probably happening every day.

The situation begs the question, what if the tables were turned?

If Foley were a Democrat, the Democratic Party would be pounding on the Republicans for attacking Foley because he was gay. In likelihood, they would have risen to his defense (instead of abandoning him like the red party has).
If Foley were a Woman, this would never of even made the headlines. We would be honoring the page as the luckiest boy of the year for bagging a Mrs. Robinson.
If the page were a female (and Foley were straight), at best this would be an adultery scandle. It would have already blown over right now and if this were not an election year probably would not have made the news.

Things I Have Seen

2006-10-13T17:12:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not posting in a week and a half. I took a little vacations and then really got into the Basement Finishing project (pictures soon to follow). Here's a quick post of things I've seen over the past couple of weeks that kinda threw me.

Hot Amish Chick - just a couple of days before the tragedy in Pennsylvania I was in Indiana amish country at the worlds biggest flea market in Shipshewanna. As we were leaving we came across a group of Amish. Within the group was this fantastic looking young lady. About 22-25 years old, definitely Amish judging by the two kids hanging on her dress. She was wearing the traditional bonnet but also adorned what appeared to be designer sunglasses. I don't know what threw me more, how hot she was or the fact she had on designer sunglasses.
White Castle Takes Credit Cards - The White Castle on 22nd street in Chicago has a credit card reader in the drive-thru. The guy in front of me actually used it. How bad is it these days if people need to charge their 49 cent hamburgers?
Hillard Towers Open House - The newly renovated Hillard Towers have been hosting open houses on the weekends to attract home buyers. The signs outside the three buildings state that they provide the finest living in Chicago. What they neglect to mention is that the towers used to be one of the worst public housing projects in the city and they barely tidied them up at all.
Kum Agan Reading Center - Saw this one in China Town. There are some words that should not be spelled phonetically.
So Young Kum - Found this guy when looking for a good reading center. Poor guy.
Hot Biker Babe with a Hot Biker Bitch - shortly after leaving the office one day I crossed paths with a woman riding a Harley. What is sexier than an attractive babe riding a motorcycle? An attractive babe riding a motorcycle with another hot chick riding bitch. If only they were wearing bikinis.

I've got more on a list at the crib.

Ask Fig Show - Tonight

2006-10-04T06:48:00.000-05:00

After a two week hiatus I am pleased to announce that there will be a live broadcast of the AskFig show this evening.

The Ask Fig Show

Wednesday 9 pm CST

For show information please visit www.askfig.com

We're Pathetic

2006-10-03T10:50:00.000-05:00

16.1 million people watched the premier of “Ugly Betty” on ABC last Thursday!

Are you freaking kidding me? Is this what American television has come to?

I thought this premise was a little played out by Hollywood. The ugly/nerdy/unpopular student/employee/understudy gets an opportunity to hang out with the popular/successful students/bosses and becomes a raving success.

It’s been done in:
Can’t Buy Me Love
Better Off Dead
Sixteen Candles
Weird Science
Miss Congeniality
Dr Doolittle
Pretty in Pink
Lucas

Is our self esteem so low in this country that we have to resort to watching an ugly chick try to make it in a modeling agency (I assumed that was the premise based on the commercials) to make us feel better? I don’t consider myself one of the “beautiful people” but I have enough self respect that I don’t need to watch this drivel. Do what’s right, if you ever watch this show or others like it, cheer against the person that has no business being in that spot in the first place.

Vacation Notice

2006-10-02T10:49:00.000-05:00

Apologies to the faithful readers of this blog.

I forgot to mention that I was on vacation last week and there would be no posts.

Thanks for your anticipation.

Daley vs. Jr.

2006-09-19T06:14:00.000-05:00

Jesse Jackson Jr. is contemplating a Chicago Mayoral bid. If I lived in the city of Chicago and had an opportunity to vote for mayor I would be in quite a quandry.

I like what Mayor Daley has done for the city. As an outsider who visits on a daily basis I am very pleased with the beautification of Chicago that has occured under the mayor's tenure. The green mayor has planted more trees than any tree hugger could imagine. He has his political accomplishments too. The schools are better than when he started, the government is less corrupt, things move faster through the political machine. Yes, I understand he probably hired a bunch of friends and family to political positions. But compared to the corruption that we've seen in other cities (and in Chicago in the past) is that so bad?

Junior on the other hand is an up and coming politician. During his brief political career he has shown that he has the best interests of his constituants in mind first and foremost. He doesn't thrive the spotlight as much as his father and actually represents his people. I may be partial because he started in the South Suburbs and helped many of the communities that I am most familiar with.

I'd like to see Junior wait four more years because I think this will be Daley's last term. It will be an interesting race if Junior does decide to run.

Daughters

2006-09-18T15:59:00.000-05:00

Two daughter related comments today.

#1 - Poochies Nightmare
My soon to be 4 yr old daughter popped into the bathroom today just as I was finishing getting ready for work. She was sleepy and a little upset. When I asked her what was wrong she informed me that she had a bad dream. Usually a "bad dream" is just an excuse for her to be out of bed. Since it usually only occurs at bed time and not in the morning I asked her what her bad dream was about.

She replied, "I had a bad dream that you were making toast and you burned my socks. All of them."

Made sense to me.

#2 - Derek Lee's daughter
Derek Lee is the only player on the cubbies that I envy. He has had a rough season due to injuries and rehab and when I heard yesterday that he was going to miss the rest of the season for "family issues", I thought that it sounded like a good excuse to not have to bust his butt for a cellar dweller.

When I heard that his 3 yr old daughter was going through testing because she is losing vision in one of her eyes my heart sank. In his own words "Right now we just ask for everyone's prayers. We need a miracle, we need your prayers. We need everyone to believe she's going to be OK."
She's in mine.

The Movie

2006-09-15T17:32:00.000-05:00

I've been wondering about this for a couple of days now.

If I was a regular reader of a blog that periodically added chapters of a story that had all of its readers anxiously waiting for the next chapter, and if I agreed with others that this story should be made into a book or a movie because it is quite fascinating as well as teaches a valuable lesson, and if I just learned that a college friend of mine went off to Hollywood and learned about making movies and then returned to the Chicagoland area and opened up a production company that wants to help bring movie production to the city, should I attempt to contact the owner of the blog to ask if they would mind if I introduced the producer to the story in order to get his professional opinion?

Or, should I just have the writer of the blog comment back to me or contact me through her brother?

Hillary in 2008 - The Musical

2006-09-15T06:02:00.000-05:00

Hillary in 2008 - The Musical

I'm sure there will be more to come.

Box of Rocks

2006-09-13T06:58:00.000-05:00

I got a new view of the term "box of rocks" last weekend. Normally the phrase comes with negative connotations (i.e. Bosk's views are as dumb as a box of rocks).

I couldn't exactly understand what was so bad about having a box of rocks. I kinda liked the idea. If I had a box of rocks I would get a slingshot. Then I could sit around stoning hippie-liberals who don't make any sense. Or I could take my rocks to the lakeshore and skip them along the water and forget about my worries.

Last weekend I found another use for a box of rocks. The swingset I built for this kids this summer was built on a slight decline in my yard. The fort was level but the swingset arm that branched off was not. It dropped about 7 inches from one end to the other. I temporarily corrected the problem by propping it up with 4x4's but it was time to create a more permanent solution.

A BOX OF ROCKS!

I constructed a frame out of 2x10's that was 1' by 8' long. After digging out a level surface I placed the box under the support that hold the swingset arm. Next came the rocks. 350 lbs of rocks to be exact. I filled up the box with rocks to the appropriate point that the swingset are was level.

Genius. With a framed out box I do not have to worry about erosion that would have occurred if I tried to support the structure with a mound of dirt, sand, or mulch. The box is buried about 1.5 inches so I do not have to worry about losing rocks from under the structure. I topped the rocks with some pea gravel so I do not have to worry about hippie punks loading up slingshots in retaliation. And with a little stain, the box of rocks looks like a regular part of the construction.

I'll never be able to think about the concept of a box of rocks in a negative manner ever again.

Bear Down

2006-09-11T06:39:00.000-05:00

Bear Down, Chicago Bears.

Make every play clear the way to victory!

Bear Down, Chicago Bears.

Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly!

We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation,

With your T formation.

Bear Down, Chicago Bears.

And let them know why you're wearing the crown.

You're the pride and joy,

of all Illinois.

Chicago Bears, Bear Down!

Quote

2006-09-08T18:39:00.000-05:00

"Lead, follow, or get out of the way."
- Thomas Paine

The New Battlefields

2006-09-07T06:17:00.000-05:00

I found the following quotes in an article referenced by the mighty Bosk. Although I did not see where his blog comments came from I thought the quotes towards the end of the article were interesting.

"When Hezbollah launches rockets into Israeli residential neighborhoods with the intention of killing random civilians, that's fine because, after all, they're terrorists and that's what terrorists do. But when, in the course of trying to resist the terrorists, Israel unintentionally kills civilians, that's an appalling act of savagery."

This was the same media battle that I saw during the war against Iraq. If the US hit some civilians in a military zone then it was a travesty even though Iraqi forces were firing out of churches and holy sites. It continued after the war when insurgents would attack us from residential areas but we would be condemned for operating in those same neighborhoods.

"Speaking at West Point in 2002, President Bush observed: "Deterrence -- the promise of massive retaliation against nations -- means nothing against shadowy terrorist networks with no nation or citizens to defend.""

I liked this quote of a quote because it highlights our new enemy and the new face of war. We are going to need to change our definition of war in order to have any chance of survival. No longer will our massive weapons be a deterrant. Especially when the enemy will hide under the cover of civilians. I fear that it won't be until the terrorist tactics become more frequent in this country that our society will take their heads out of the tabloids and recognize the new battlefront. As I breezed past CNN this weekend I saw a commentator questioning whether in fact we were already involved in WWIII. I hate to say I told you so, but I did about 8 months ago.

A New Low?

2006-09-07T04:48:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday night Dusty Baker, manager of the cubbies, was quoted as saying that the team had reached a new low for the season. Well no shit Sherlock, the loss you just suffered gave you the worst record in the National League. The only team with a worse record is the Kansas City Royals who at one point this season were chasing the record for most futile season ever. Compared to the cubbies, the Royals look like the Yankees.

Poor Dusty, he just lost his 3rd ace of the year to injury (Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, and now Carlos Zambrano). Hopefully, the cubbies will do the right thing and shelve Big Z for the remainder of the season. There is no reason to trot the guy out there to risk injury. Give him the final month off and let his back heal. There is no reason to have him pitch. The guy has Cy Young potential. But don’t be shocked if the greedy Tribune Co. plays him again, it would be further proof that the organization knows nothing about winning.

(This one was for you Iwanski and Dasi)

Rumsfeld Politics

2006-09-06T16:43:00.000-05:00

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

On Tuesday Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld underwent rotator cuff surgery. According to reports the surgery had been planned for weeks and was successful.

Democrats in Congress desires to push for a No-Confidence Vote came to a hilt with plans for a Wednesday debate on a resolution that cites "no confidence".

Who had the greater political mind here? Did the Democrats plan the attack for a period when the knew the Secretary would be weakened? Or, did Rumsfeld opt for the voluntary surgery to gain sympathy at a time where his record was taking on its most vicious attack.

In the Rumsfeld camp there is the defense that the surgery had been planned for weeks. Knowing Washington politics, the surgery might have always been on hand just in case circumstances such as these arose. Also, why does a 74 yr old man need rotator cuff surgery? Did he suddenly lose velocity on his fastball?

The Dems on the other hand have had every reason to attack Rumsfeld on the military resourcing in Iraq. But this issue has been know for a couple of years now. Why did it come up at this time? It could have been attached to any other bill at any time in the past 24 months.

Gotta love election year politics.

Ask Fig Show - Tonight

2006-09-06T09:09:00.000-05:00

Remember to listen to the Ask Fig Show tonight on Boskey Radio West.

The Ask Fig Show airs at 9:00 pm CT - 7:00 pm PT - 10:00 ET - 8:00 pm MT

For more details on the Ask Fig Show visit AskFig.com, and don't forget to purchase your Ask Fig merchandise.

As always, any questions posted to this blog will be posed on the Ask Fig Show - guaranteed or your money back.

Or contact the show directly, we'd love to here from you.

Illinois Loyalty

2006-09-05T06:44:00.000-05:00

We're loyal to you Illinois,
We're "Orange and Blue," Illinois,
We'll back you to stand
Gainst the best in the land,
For we know you have sand, Illinois,
Rah! Rah!
So crack out that ball Illinois,
We're backing you all Illinois;
Our team is our fame protector,
On! boys, for we expect a vict'ry from you Illinois!

Che-he! Che-ha! Che-ha-ha-ha!
Go Illini go!
Che-he! Che-ha! Che-ha-ha-ha!
Go Illini go!
Illinois! Illinois! Illinois!

Fling out that dear old flag of Orange and Blue,
Lead on your sons and daughters, fighting for you;
Like men of old, on giants placing reliance, shouting defiance
Oskee wow-wow!
Amid the broad green plains that nourish our land,
For honest Labor and for Learning we stand,
And unto thee we pledge our heart and hand,
Dear Alma Mater Illinois.

Illinois Loyalty is the main fight song of the University of Illinois. First performed March 3, 1906, Illinois Loyalty is one of the oldest college fight songs in the United States, predated only by the University of Michigan's Victors in 1898. The song was written by Thacher Howland Guild specifically for the Marching Illini. Due to the song's length, it is normally played only at the beginning, halftime, and end of a game. During timeouts and other crucial junctures in a contest, Oskee Wow-Wow is normally played.

Should Vodka look like this?

2006-08-23T22:12:00.000-05:00

Found this bottle of vodka in my basement. Do you think it's still worthy of consumption?

Play Griese Now

2006-08-21T06:47:00.000-05:00

Football season is upon us and in Chicago that means Quarterback controversy. The back-up quarterback is the most beloved sport figure in Chicago. We love to complain about the starter and cry out for the lovable back-up to save the season.

Usually the back-up is no better than the starter and this is just our way of complaining about our anemic offense. However this year, for the first time in my football watching career, the Bears went out and acquired a legitimate quarterback in Brian Griese. He's an accomplished veteran who is well versed in the style of offense that the Bears run. Seemed like a good idea since our first round draft choice QB - Rex Grossman - has 8 starts in 3 seasons.

So what do the Bears do?

Instead of having an open competition for the starting quarterback job and letting the grisly veteran duke it out with the young gunslinger, the Bears coaching staff anoints Rex the starter.

I understand that they want the kid to be the future of the franchise and the only way to get him there is playing time. But this is the NFL and we haven't been to a Super Bowl since the 1985 season. The defense is set up to win it all now. All we need is a competent quarterback that will move the ball down the field and not turn it over.

So on Friday night I taped the preseason game and eventually sat down to analyze the QB situation. Of course the defense looked amazing scoring a TD on an interception and we even returned a kick for a special teams TD. I watched Rex play the entire first half and can honestly say that I was unimpressed. Here are his highlights.

7 for 14 for 83 yards. This projects out to a 166 yard game. Not good.
The Bears had 6 first downs, of which 3 were by penalties that had nothing to do with the play. 3 first downs in a half. Not good.
The Bears had one scoring drive while he was under center. The drive ended with Rex Grossman signature interception in the end zone. Very bad.

Griese got two drives during the game. The first was a three and out. On the second he was 2 for 2 with a TD on a 38 yard drive. That's not a lot to go on and against the second string defense. But the offense looks like it is grooving when he is in there versus the disoriented feel I get when Grossman is in.

I can only hope that during this preseason we get to see what Griese can do with the first string offense against the first string defense. I am worried that by the time he gets on the field in a real game situation that he'll be digging us out of a hole in order to get us into the playoffs.

Golf

2006-08-09T13:47:00.000-05:00

I will be participating in the 13th Annual Boskey Golf Outing this weekend. In order to prepare for the event I will be viewing several golf movies. I do understand that most people would actually play golf or at least go to the driving range in preparation. I, on the other hand, feel that osmosis will be the best way to improve my game. Actually being able to find my clubs may also help.

My training schedule will be as follows:

Wed Aug 9th - Happy Gilmore
Thurs Aug 10th - Tin Cup
Fri Aug 11th - Caddyshack

By Saturday I should be in perfect form. This brings up the next question: How does one get a good buzz on at 6:30 am?

Before you start a lecture on my alcoholic tendencies let me state that there are two pseudo-sports that in my book go hand in hand with the consumption of alcohol. The first is fishing. Once, on a morning fishing trip I thought that I didn’t need to bring any beer due to the early hour. About 5 minutes into the fishing I was dying for a beer. Not having one ruined the whole day.

My golf game on the other hand actually improves when I am drinking. Case in point, during about the 4th Annual Boskey Golf Outing the cart tart rolled up just as we were approaching a par 3. My buddy Fig, of the AskFig Show fame, suggested that we do shots. Under the protest of Bosk we decided to down a shot of warm Canadian Mist whiskey. I immediately proceed up to the tee and drop my tee shot a mere 15 inches from the hole – the best golf shot of my life.

Since I’m no Al Cervix I do not have a beer tap that comes out of my bag. Instead I must rely on other methods to smuggle beer onto golf courses that do not allow coolers. A few years back I created a steel canister out of ductwork with a cap at the end. This canister fit into my golf bag and was subsequently filled with beer and ice. There was just enough room around the canister to slide my clubs into the bag to remain inconspicuous.

Anyone have other suggestions our how to smuggle in my booze so I can stick it to the course and the cart tart?

Doctored Photos

2006-08-08T13:32:00.000-05:00

While listening to my right winged radio station this morning (WIND 560am) I heard the report of the doctored Reuters photos by a Lebonese journalist. I might be a couple of days behind on this one because I was finishing Dean Koontz' Odd Thomas on audiobook. Anyway, the US Congressman who was sitting in for Laura Ingraham read an article on the subject written by Jack Kelly.

The article was quite inflamatory and got my motor running on the subject. I was about to go in and start ranting on the topic so I decided to find the full article to reference it. To my suprise I found that the author of the inflamatory articale was the same photographer who only 6 years ago got busted doctoring photos for USAToday.

He who threw stones in his glass house should not throw stones anymore, or something like that.

This topic twicely confirms my problems with the media.

Bending the Stats

2006-08-07T07:21:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to get annoyed with statistics today. More specifically, when it comes to sports and movie records.

Today's rant was triggered by Tiger Woods. I am by no means a Tiger Woods hater. I like the guy. I like his swagger and the fact that he is the best most likely due to a weight regimen and his determination. I did like the fact that a fat guy had a chance in a major sport but I commend Tiger for gaining an edge through fitness.

What upsets me is that all of the media outlets are reporting that Tiger Woods has reached 50 tournament wins faster than Jack Nicklaus. Of course he did, there weren't as many tournaments in Jack's day as there were today. Do you think Tiger may have made more money on the tour than Nicklaus? You betcha, ole Jack wasn't playing for million dollar purses week in and week out.

That goes along the lines of my disdain for movie statistics as well. Each time a new summer blockbuster comes out and does well it knocks another classic off of the list. Have you ever checked out the crap that is included in the top 1000 grossing movies of all time? Why can't they rank movies by number of tickets sold? For historical purposes you could estimate the number of tickets by taking the average ticket price for that year. At least it would be better than comparing them by inflated dollar figures.

But each week the movies are ranked by dollar figures. And not only for the current week but the historical amounts as well. From the way the numbers are reported in a pseudo-historical comparison you can deduce the following:

The Godfather (1972 - $134.8M) is of the same caliber as The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990 - $135.2M) and The Rock (1996 - $134M)
X-Men 3 (2006 - $233M) is twice as good as American Graffiti (1973 - $115) which was on par with The Karate Kid II (1986 - $115.1M)
Spider-Man 2 (2004 - $373.3M) was three times better than One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975 - $112M)

Anyone in my fantasy football league can tell you that I am as big of a stat hound as there is. But making comparisons across generations is simply ridiculous to me.

Who do you root for?

2006-08-03T05:40:00.000-05:00

I was in a bit of a quandry last weekend regarding the defending World Series Champion Chicago White Sox.

Since the Sox fell into a mid summer funk I have had to keep an eye out on the wild card race in addition to the division race. Over the weekend there was a match-up that proved beneficial regardless of who won the game. Of course I was referring to the Tigers-Twins series.

Do I cheer for the Tigers in hopes that they drive the Twins out of the wild card race?

Do I cheer for the Twins in hopes that they help the White Sox catch the Tigers?

It's a tough debate. You hate to root against the Twins because by doing so you are conceeding that the Tigers are likely to win the division. And don't give me the "they can't keep it up all year" speech because that's what they said about the Sox last year.

By rooting for the Twins you are helping the Sox catch the Tigers but are giving the Twins a chance to keep pace with the Sox.

What did you do?

Ask Fig Show - Tonight

2006-08-02T03:30:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to listen to the

Ask Fig Show

Tonight - 9:00 pm CST

visit www.askfig.com

for contact information and links to the show

I miss the Democrats

2006-08-01T06:14:00.000-05:00

Quite often when political arguments get to the point of name calling and finger pointing the sides are labeled Liberals and Republicans. Why is that?

What happened to the Democrats? You rarely hear about some "crazy Democrat" philosophy. It's always a "Liberal" idea. But on the other side it is a "Republican" concept. How did the Republican party get lobbed in with the Far Right while the Democrats got a free ride on the Far Left.

Again I think it boils down to the dismantling of the Democrat party. I'll chime in again on the lack of leadership and direction. There's a lot of truth to the joke that you haven't heard from the Democrats on the Israel-Hezbollah issue because the polls haven't indicated which way to lean.

Now you may think that the intent of this post is to pile on the Democratic Party. I'd like to assure you that it is not. In fact, I miss the Democratic Party. At least in the past I felt like I had options. Hell, during the primaries I was contemplating voting for a Dem. I'll admit it here first, I was planning on voting for Howard Dean. There, I said it. At the time I thought it was a good idea. He was young and charismatic. I liked his opinion on the war and spending. I was even on board after his crazy pep rally. Nowadays I think he is a loon.

Back to the point. Nowadays if you support the government you are a Republican. If not, you are a liberal. I was unaware that there was a new party out there. My guess is that the conservative democrats out there are simply afraid to speak. They have no idea where they stand. Now a stalwart of the party is condemned for being willing to work in a bipartisan manner. If extremism is the new wave of politics I guess we'll have a lot to talk about.

Liberals

2006-07-31T17:11:00.000-05:00

“A liberal is a man too broad minded to take his own side in a quarrel” - Robert Frost

I was reminded of this quote the other day will pondering about some of the discussions that have been held on this site. It brings me back to the point that if you have a better plan than what is going on then present it. Do not simply bitch about the current situation.

Joke

2006-07-26T06:32:00.000-05:00

Q - Why don't the Cubs have a web site?

A- Because they can't string three W's together.

This joke was a lot funnier three weeks ago.

Leadership

2006-07-24T06:02:00.000-05:00

"People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand." - Lewis Rothschild (Michael J Fox), The American President

I was recently responding to the comments of a new reader which made me think about the current state of the political leadership in this country. My comments on this blog lately have been driven to the right in many discussions. Often, I have found myself in defense of the government. In my mind this has been an act of patriotism. Standing up for the decisions of our government and their reactions to the decisions they have made. For example, I defend the decision to go into Iraq (decision) and if we started a civil war by taking down the ruling government then we are responsible for staying there until the new government is more stable (reaction).

This is viewed by many as Right Winged logic. However, as I recall there are two major parties in our government. And although many would like you to believe that one is simply overpowering the other and pushing their agenda, the fact is that both parties have enough power to thwart the efforts of the other. In addition, with the President's approval rating so low, Democrats would have no problem getting Republicans to align themselves away from the President's party.

What I have realized is that the reason the Republican Party is taking so much heat lately is because there is NO leadership coming out of the Democratic Party. Those who are trying to assert themselves as leaders (see Nancy Pelosi) are so far to the other extreme that no one will associate themselves with them either.

I will continue to support our government, regardless of whether a democrat or republican is in the White House. I will also remember the situation and facts that led up to its decisions before second guessing those decisions after they have been made.

The Celebratory Bash

2006-07-21T06:29:00.000-05:00

As you may have noticed, the postings on this blog over the past few weeks has been sporadic. What you may not recall is that July 5th marked the one year anniversary of this blog.

That's right, I have been spewing this shrill for over 365 days. And several of you have had the unfortunate priviledge of reading most of it. God bless you and may he have mercy on your souls.

To celebrate the occasion I thought I'd throw the Kingpin's 1 Year Bask. The event called for much debauchery. There was plenty of nudity and plenty of drunkeness. Rock and roll was blasted throughout and the sex challenged the era of Dionysus. The shenanegans were legendary and too vulgar to describe.

Unfortunately, I spent the entire event in the office or crashed out at home. But you can bet your ass that I'll be full board for the Kingpin's 2nd Year Bash, if the wife will let me attend.

The New Me, Part II

2006-07-19T08:42:00.000-05:00

(Rebuttal to The New Me)

If I were a Modern Democrat, it would be cool. Heck, I would be cool!

I'd get me one of those foreign imports turning my back on the American automotive industry and I'd ride around listening to NPR. I would totally have a killer time bitching about the war in Iraq and about how Bush is squashing my rights and all that.

I would say shit like, "Bush lied to us to convince us to go to war." You’re darn right I would. Who needs to remember that the entire nation was unified in our belief that terrorists were being harbored and funded in Afghanistan and Baghdad? Not me, that would be who!

I’d tell you that it didn’t matter that Saddam was a danger to the U.S. and suppressed the rights of his own people, I wouldn’t care because at least it wasn’t happening here. I would be equally oblivious to the fact that he was completely uncooperative with the UN weapons inspectors and admitted he wanted to obtain WMD’s. Ignoring these things would make it a lot easier for me.

Also, I’d have no concept about the real consequences of immediately pulling out of Iraq. I wouldn’t need to! I’d just keep saying that we should never have went inl, and then I wouldn’t have to think for another second about the impact of withdrawing and abondoning the good citizens who are trying to start a civil government.

I’d be practically oblivious about to innocent people being murdered by radicals... And loving it!

Man, that would be like living on Easy Street!

And deficits? Dude, I wouldn’t even know why I should care about that! We need to support every country in the world that asks for our help and continue with a welfare system that doesn’t provide incentive for people to work. Whatever. There fine being indentured servants? Yeah? Cool.

While we’re at it let’s give out free medical benefits, I’d be happy. Of course, once again, this is one of those areas where my cluelessness would come in handy. I wouldn’t realize that not doctor worth his salt would be willing to work for nothing, really. And I’d have no problem waiting 8 months for that heart surgery I needed because every fat ass in this country would be in line for a quick cleanout as well, but I sure wouldn’t know that! Are you kiddin’? Do I look like some kind of economist?

No sir, I ain’t no Welfare Democrat!

On issue after issue, I’d vote squarely against my own interests, and if Michael Moore and all the other liberal elitists whom live in Malibu told me to, then I would do it again.

I’m liking this! Being a Modern Democrat would be frickin’ sweet.

I made up my mind. I’m gonna switch. Life is too short to be bothered with logic and facts. Dude, all that is over with.

This is so gonna rock!I feel like a weight has been lifted from me. Specifically, about three pounds of gray tissue matter.

Greatest Invention Ever

2006-07-18T06:08:00.000-05:00

It may not be the greatest invention ever - that distinction in a fight between beer and Chicago style pizza - but the mobile DVD player has to make the top 100 list.

As I previously mentioned, I spent the last week on vacation. We went down to Table Rock Lake in southern Missouri. The resort is about a 9-11 hour drive. It took 9 hours to get down because we left at midnight and the kids (ages 1 and 3) slept for most of the drive. Poochie slept like a rock. Q-Dog, who must move a lot in his sleep, let out a whail every 20-30 minutes as he tried to move but was locked in by his safety restraints but never woke up.

Returning home is a different story. After checking out at 10 am we hit the road. The kids were full of energy having woken up a mere two hours earlier. The calmness lasted for about 27.3 minutes, which is when the yelling began.

Poochie, being 3 going on 18, was easily taken care of with the DVD player. Two days prior to the trip I ran out to Target and purchase a two screen DVD player where the screens attach to the headrests. This may have been the best money I have spent since my trip to Oktoberfest in Munich. Five DVD's later we pulled into the driveway with hardly a word spoken from her mouth, and if you know Poochie you know that it is nearly impossible to shut her up. The only drawback was the emergency potty break on the side of the road because she was too engulfed in her movies to say anything.

Q-Dog on the other hand was a different story. Being 1, he has the attention span of a 1 yr old. The movies worked for all of 4.05 minutes. By the end of the drive (11 hours due to the numerous stops to shut the kid up) my wife was completely exhausted from trying to keep the boy calm. I, in my infinite wisdom, manned up and decided the easiest thing would be to drive the entire way home and decline any and all offers to "rest" while the wife took the wheel.

I imagine by next year Q-Dog will also be mesmerized by the 7" screens as well. For an instant I questioned if this was the right thing to do since as a child I had taken many road trips without the aid of electronics. But then I reallized, as we spent 5 hours driving through the rolling plains of Illinois, that in all likely hood I passed the time by driving my parents crazy as well.

The Priory of Sion

2006-07-17T06:40:00.000-05:00

During my vacation I was able to read The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. This time I can actually claim to have read the book (mostly). I listened to the first twenty or so chapters through an Audiobook on my way down, read the middle sixty chapters during the evenings, and listened to the final twenty odd chapters on the ride back home.

Feeling like one of the last people on the planet not to have read the book (over 40 million copies sold) I broke my cardinal rule of reading the book before seeing the movie. Through the numerous times I have read the book prior to the movie (at least 5 times) I've realized that you are never satisfied with the movie if you have read the book first. However, seeing the movie first often assists in reading the book or makes you appreciate how much better the book really is.

I recently got into an argument with a coworker about the quality of The Godfather. She claimed that the movie is one of the best ever made. I agreed stating that it is definitely in my top ten of all times but the book is 100 times better. She could not believe it. Having sat through the 22 cd reading of the book (I try to only listen to the unabridged versions to get the full effect of the novels) I found that the book went into so much detail, background, and insight that a movie couldn't possibly compete.

Anyway, so I spent the last week reading The Da Vinci Code and the damn thing is driving me nuts. It's got nothing to do with the plot or the twists. Quite frankly, I agree with the critics who say it's not that great of a novel. The thing that is driving me crazy is that I can't get the terms Priory of Sion or Knights Templar out of my head. The terms keep creeping into my mind: as I try to fall asleep, as I drive, as I mow the lawn, as I blog.

Hopefully it will end soon so that I can return to the normal voices that I hear.

In an ironic event, we had checked out two audiobooks for the ride (9-11 hours each way). The second novel was The Honeymoon by James Patterson. In about the 12th chapter or so one of the characters is questioned about a book he is writing. His response is "It's no War and Peace, no Da Vinci Code either." Is Patterson taking a shot at Brown by making The Da Vinci Code the low end of the comparison? Further irony to the reference is that this is one of the few James Patterson novels that I have no problem walking away from.
Patterson

Kingpin has returned

2006-07-16T15:57:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I forgot to let you know that I was leaving but I left town in a hurry and didn't have time to put up a post.

Hope you missed me.

Look forward to upcoming posts on beautifal Branson Missouri.

No New Post

2006-07-01T18:37:00.000-05:00

I've been too busy to post lately, the Man has been keeping me down. Which really sucks because I am the Man.

Check out last Friday's post. There's a pretty heated discussion between me and Gilman Chatsworth.

Things to do in Chicago

2006-06-28T06:27:00.000-05:00

Five places one must visit in Chicago.

Gino's East - order a Deep Dish Traditional Patty Sausage pizza
Wrigley Field - hate to admit it but it is a classic ballbark (from the seats at least, the amenities suck)
US Cellular Field - home of the World Series champions and a prime example of how to make a terrible stadium a classic.
Grant Park - the view of the skyline from behind the foliage is breathtaking.
Lower Wacker Drive - Not as cool without the green lights but still awesome at 70 mph.

Five places not to bother with.

Taste of Chicago - go to the actual restaurant and get a full meal for the same price.
Fourth of July Fireworks (on July 3rd) - not worth the hassel of getting there 9 hours early to get a good view.
Division Street - way past its prime
Wrigley Field - the amenities suck and so does the team.
The Magnificent Mile - you can't afford to shop there anyways

Idea stolen from The Onion

Cubs Entourage

2006-06-26T21:30:00.000-05:00

About the only thing that I don't like about Jeremy Piven is that he is a Cubs fan. That aside, he is good representation of Chicago for Hollywood. Being such a fan of the cubbies I found his comment prior to singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame perfect for the current state of the Cubs.

"Let's hug it out, you little bitches!"

It is perfect on so many levels.

Selective Outrage

2006-06-23T05:19:00.000-05:00

No more Jeff Daniels talk, at least until I blog about how the star and host of the AskFig show went at each other like a pair of bitches during the pre-program prep meeting.

I wanted to post a quick rant about how some people selectively like to fight for right to privacy. This is derived from a discussion I heard this morning on NPR about how American's accept financial monitoring but are against telephone evesdropping.

Why is financial monitoring less intrusive that phone monitoring?

After 9/11, the US immediately seized OBL's financial records and froze his accounts. There was no outrage about that. Nevermind that these accounts may have held funds from legitimate business ventures. But when the government attempts to listen to phone conversations in order to hear conversations with OBL or his network people get up in arms.

Is it a class issue? Is the perception that financial monitoring doesn't impact the average American because we don't have enough financial activity to monitor? On the weathiest people in the country would have enough funds to make a difference and who cares if the government is watching them?

Why are phone conversations more private than financial records? I would imagine that my weekly trips to the local porn shop would be more damaging that my conversations with my parents. My annual payments to Sheep Lovers Quarterly my cause more embarrassment than calling aunt Sophie.

I just don't like it when society and the media are not consistent. Privacy is privacy, if monitoring one is good then it is likely in our best interest to monitor others.

Ready or Not, Here We Come

2006-06-21T16:40:00.000-05:00

The AskFig Show

airing live at 6:00 pm CST Tonight

on Boskey Radio West

Tune in for a very special interview with

Jeff Daniels

Replay at our regularly scheduled time of 9:00 pm CST

AskFig Show link

Boskey Radio West link

Jeff Daniels link

1 Day til JD Day

2006-06-20T16:40:00.000-05:00

I promise to return to my unique writing style come Friday since I'll probably recap the Jeff Daniels interview on Thursday.

The main purpose of the Jeff Daniels interview on the AskFig Show on Boskey Radio West tomorrow will be to discuss his music and upcoming CD. For those of you who don't picture Jeff Daniels as a musician here's photographic proof.

To haze or not to haze

2006-06-19T06:09:00.000-05:00

If you have not already heard, I participate on a weekly internet radio show. The AskFig Show airs on Wednesday Nights at 9:00 pm CST on Boskey Radio West. Hosted out of Seattle, Washington, the show is primarily three friends talking over current affairs. Typically, two thirds of the show (and hopefully the audience) is boozing it up to make things more entertaining.

This week we step up to the Big Time. Instead of the usual banter between the three hosts with an occasional call in to mock, we will be interviewing our first legitimate guest. This Wednesday on the AskFig Show, starting at a special time of 6:00 pm CST, we will interview Jeff Daniels!!!

The dilemma for the AskFig Show is that we do not know how to act. Should we be professional about the interview in hopes that it leads to further guest spots? Or, should we treat him like our usual guests by berating and having fun at his expense? The best plan is likely in the middle where we can continue our nonsense while still entertaining ourselves and our audience.

How should we handle it? What questions do you propose that we pose to Jeff Daniels - actor, singer, extraordinaire?

Jeff Daniels

2006-06-12T17:13:00.000-05:00

Jeff Daniels (born February 19, 1955) is an American actor.
Daniels was born in Athens, Georgia; he grew up in Michigan, where his father ran a local lumberyard.
Daniels is perhaps best known for his roles in Terms of Endearment, Gettysburg, Arachnophobia and Dumb & Dumber. Although primarily a dramatic actor, ironically some of Daniels' most memorable scenes are from the comedy Dumb & Dumber and involve his character Harry Dunne getting his tongue frozen onto an icy pole, and another scene where he suffers a painful bout of diarrhea and realizing only too late that the toilet he has used does not flush.
Daniels currently resides in Chelsea, Michigan, where he is Founder and Executive director of the regionally-acclaimed Purple Rose Theatre Company, a not-for-profit professional theatre company. He wrote, directed, and starred in Escanaba in da Moonlight and Super Sucker with Purple Rose Films. He will be inducted into the Michigan Walk of Fame on May 25, 2006 in Lansing, Michigan.

The AskFig Show on Boskey Radio West proudly presents an interview with Jeff Daniels on Wednesday June 21st. Stay tuned for further details.

Trimming the Fat

2006-06-09T06:03:00.000-05:00

In case anyone was wondering. I just killed two of the blogs I hosted.

First I took down the boxing ring that hosted Kingpin V. Bosk. It was fun while it lasted but from now on we'll have to argue in the public view like the rest of you.

Next I destroyed the SSFFL Blog. Not even those who are part of the league went here.

If you ever read them, I am sorry but they're gone. For the rest of you, you are better off without them.

The Border Debate

2006-06-08T06:23:00.000-05:00

I don’t know why I continue to call this a border issue. It should be referred to as the Mexican Border issue since we are not debating any actions to secure the Canadian border.

Anyway, at the beginning of this debate I was on the side of “Ship ‘Em All”. My thought was that anyone breaking the law should be punished accordingly. In the case of illegal immigration it made sense to send them back.

I must say that the mainstream media has done nothing to change my mind on this issue. In fact, the media reports just strengthen that opinion. And before you say that is because I am a Fox News enthusiast let me say that I have feverishly been searching for information on this topic. Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS , you name it, I’ve been watching. On the radio I have been listening to both right and left winged talk radio and nothing that has been said softened by position.

My opinion only softened once I began talking to real people and reading exposes in the local NW Indiana paper. I’ve spent a good amount of time talking to co-workers who have friends and family that have fled Mexico. Their stories have been confirmed by a set of recent stories in the NWI Times.

My new stance is that the US Govt is at as much fault as the illegals themselves. We have allowed people to cross our boarders for years. Then once they are here, we have accepted them into our society. We allowed them to buy homes, obtain jobs, start businesses, and raise families. Now, after years of acceptance, we have changed out minds and want them out.

This really hit home in a recent article. A local business owner came to the states for the first time in 1985. He worked hard and supported his family. Eventually, his family came to the Chicagoland are as well and his last child was born here. He bought a house and we gave his children an education. After working hard and saving his money he started a restaurant. Although it struggles, he and his family work hard to keep it running.

Here is a man who we as a society have accepted and supported. But now, some of us want to kick him out because he doesn’t have the proper paperwork. Those people want him to abandon his job and his home.

Want it or not, President Bush is on the right track with the temporary worker program. If I were in charge I would have a similar proposal. Although I haven’t thoroughly formatted my thoughts here are the basics.

Each illegal immigrant has two years to get their names into the program.
After two years, we will begin a zero tolerance policy for illegals. It will roughly resemble that county sheriff in Arizona (detained in tents and eating bologna sandwiches until you are deported).
When entering the program you must declare whether you are a temporary worker or are on a path to citizenship.
Certain standards must be met for the path to citizenship.
Temporary worker status will be for 5 years at which time you must return to Mexico and re-apply
We will build a Ellis Island type facility on the Mexican border to process new requests.

This is the rough idea. But I think it’s a start.

The AskFig Show -- New Date

2006-06-07T06:36:00.000-05:00

Due to the championship run of America's Team Speaker City Softball, The AskFig Show has a new date:

The AskFig Show

9:00 pm CST

WEDNESDAYS

WWW.ASKFIG.COM

The Kingpin Workout #2

2006-06-06T06:26:00.000-05:00

Hope all of you were able to keep up with the Kingpin Workout. For those of you keeping track, there was only one workout that included a 20 minute stint on the exercise bike.

The Results
We had our first softball game last Thursday. In a thriller of a game America's Team Speaker City Softball lost a nailbiter 15-3 in five innings.

After somehow convincing the captain that I was in excellent softball condition, I was batting in the 5th spot in the line-up (normally reserved the big hitters) where I went an astonishing 2 for 2 with 2 RBIs. Of course, both hits were singles. Each time I ended up on third base, completely out of breath and suffering from a mouth as dry as the desert. Doing three 60 foot sprints takes a toll on the human body. A fine physical specimen, I rehydrated quickly with the help of Miller Lite.

The Jerk Move #3

2006-06-05T06:23:00.000-05:00

This isn’t necessarily a Jerk Move but I didn’t want to start a Slimeball list as well so I’ll just keep the numbering system.

Last week I got out of the office to take a lunch break. The weather was nice so I decided to meet a friend at a restaurant about five blocks away. So not to be the typical suburbanite I decided to walk. Come to think of it, that may have qualified it as The Kingpin Workout #2.

So as I hit the sidewalk I notice a nicely shaped young lady about 75 feet ahead of me. Since it is a straight shot for the first 3 blocks this will be my only scenery for the majority of my walk. Also, since I work in a mostly commercial area this is a pretty unique scenario.

Right out of the gate she gets stopped at a stop light. The distance between us begins to shorten. At about 50 feet I begin to notice that she is not as shapely as I had originally thought. She’s tall and blond and nicely dressed. But I begin to notice that she has a slight pair of saddlebags. Not too terrible but still noticeable from this distance.

The light doesn’t change until I’m within a distance of about 25 feet. At this time I realize that there is no such thing as slight saddlebags from 50 feet. If you can see hippage from 50 feet she is 40 lb carrying bags of grain on those hips.

Now I am utterly disappointed. Not only are my expectations crushed but this person is the only thing to look at for the next three blocks. I’ve got windowless 4 story buildings on both sides of the street and no on coming pedestrian traffic.

Here is the question of whether I pulled a jerk move: Do I continue walking at my current pace maintaining the current distance and staring painfully directly into the sun or do I slow up my pace and allow the view to correct itself ?

Swingset Project Days 5 & 6

2006-05-26T06:46:00.000-05:00

The Swingset Project has been completed. It only took me six days (my father-in-law contributed another dozen).

I'll take credit for all of the heavy lifting. I did all of the major foundation stuff while he did the detail work. All in all it looks great. I was hoping to get some better pictures but this one will have to do.

Someday, I'll let the kids play on it.

(Basement Project 75% Complete)

Too Upset

2006-05-17T16:59:00.000-05:00

No post today. Gilman Chatsworth pissed me off in response to the NSA database post below. Feel free to add fuel to the fire by commenting further.

Also, the Sox lost to the Devil Rays last night so I'm doubly upset.

Top of the muffin to you

2006-05-15T06:17:00.000-05:00

I heard a new phrase today that made me chuckle.

Muffin Top (noun) - The roll of flab that hangs out over the top of low rise jeans.

Much more womanly that the previous description of spare tire, I think I'll try to get this one more popularized. Where's a picture of Britney Spears when you need one.

NSA Database

2006-05-12T16:59:00.000-05:00

Usually it takes a couple of days for a topic to get annoying. But this concern about the NSA database of phone calls pissed me off from the first time I heard it.

We all know that the government is listening in on conversations between individuals here in the US and overseas. Whether you believe they should be allowed to do so or not is a different argument.

How did people expect that the government was identifying these phone calls? Did they believe that we hired a bunch of clairvoyants who could mysteriously identify overseas phone conversations?

Think about it people. Of course the government is getting calling data from the phone companies. And while they are at it they are analyzing calling patterns to identify other potential problems. This is a good thing.

Some of the idiots are wondering why it is necessary to keep all of the data. Take the following example:
Unknown to the rest of the world Bob is a terrorist, until now he has never made an overseas phone call. On Wednesday of this week he received a phone call from an Al Qaeda operative in Jordan getting his instructions to begin an offensive on US public schools. The US government had been monitoring the operative and intercepted the phone call. Now they have all of Bob’s phone records and can identify all of his contacts in order to thwart his plans.

It’s common sense people. Information is what is going to protect us. What really steams me is that if there is another attack the same people who are condemning the government for taking action will be the same people condemning them for not doing enough.

Kingpin guest hosting the Askfig show!!!

2006-05-11T16:24:00.000-05:00

It appears that yours truly will be hosting the Askfig show this evening. Programming begins at 9:00 pm Central.

Follow the links to Boskey Radio West from Askfig.com.

Also, vote to hear the Kingpin Power Hour on the AskFig.com discussion board. Register as a user to vote on the web pole.

American Woman

2006-05-10T16:19:00.000-05:00

I was in Toronto on Monday for business and made one big observation. Canadian women do not hold a candle to the American ladies.

After a tough day of business meetings I had an opportunity to stroll around the city. After stopping for a cuban cigar I settled on a bench in the heart of the business district. Being one that enjoys people watching I spent the next 15-20 minutes watching the cannucks rush to their trains.

Being a large North American city I expected to see a decent number of attractive ladies. They were few and very far between. My estimate is 1 in 30, very poor odds.

USA!! USA!!
USA!! USA!!
USA!! USA!!
USA!! USA!!

The Jerk Move #2

2006-05-05T14:25:00.000-05:00

For those of you not from the Chicagoland area, there is a major construction project going on on the Dan Ryan expressway. The Dan Ryan is a stretch of expressway where two cross country interstates (I-90 & I-94) converge as they cross the city. For the next two years, the expressway has been reduced from six lanes to three while upgrades are made to this major artery.

For my commute I take Interstate 90 (also known as the Chicago Skyway) into the Ryan. At the point where the two expressways converge there are three lanes on the Skyway: two lanes converging into one to get on the Ryan and a third lane that exits at State Street.

For the past three weeks the traffic getting onto the Ryan has been growing. What started out at a 1-2 minute delay while waiting to merge has grown into a 5-25 minute delay. Like a well mannered driving I had been patiently waiting in line for my opportunity to merge. Emphasis on the word had.

This week as the delay is threatening to exceed the 15 minute threshold I decided to check out the faster moving third lane that exits to State Street. Yesterday, I got in the lane and continued my speed as the Ryan traffic grounded to a halt. After passing about a half mile of cars parked in the left two lanes I noticed an opening about 150 feet before the merge. Sliding into the opening I realized that I had become the jerk that I had cursed so many times before.

This got me pondering. How much time savings justifies pulling the jerk move? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? 15 minutes? My other question is am I less of a jerk since I intended to get off of the expressway? I fully intended to get off but changed my mind when I saw the opening. It’s not like I was an ass and blocked traffic until someone let me in (another of my ires). Only because I saw an opening that no one else planned on using did I decide to revert back.

Today, I again got in the exit only lane and again there was an opening at the front of the line (this time at 25 feet from the merge). And again, I pulled the jerk move.

The Kingpin Workout

2006-05-03T17:50:00.000-05:00

Forget all of those diet fads: The Subway Diet, Atkins, No Fat, Happy Meals. The Kingpin workout is upon us.

About 7 weeks ago I decided that I was going to start an exercise plan and detail it on this blog. Last night it finally started.

Typically I start an exercise plan prior to the start of softball season. It usually entails me bench pressing 3 days a week for about 6 weeks beginning in mid-March and carrying through April when the season starts. Once the season starts I stop lifting because I feel that one game of softball each week provides me all of the exercise I need. This year's training camp was postponed due to improvements to the park forcing the start of the season to be pushed back to June. I didn't want to overdue it so I pushed back my program as well

This year I sold the weight bench so there will be no heavy lifting involved. This year will be all cardio, executed in programmed routines on my recumbent exercise bike that has spent the last 10 months collecting dust in the basement.

So, I challenge all of my readers to keep pace. Your first assignment is to do 2 miles on the bike in 20 minutes.

Immigration Article

2006-05-02T05:22:00.000-05:00

Here is a nice article that articulates the fact that the media is misrepresenting the issue.

The US is not against immigration. We are against illegal immigration.

There is also an interesting point regarding the massive immigration and its impact on wages "In fact, a meat-packing job paid $19 an hour in 1980, but today that same job pays closer to $9 an hour, according to the Labor Department". The more I discuss this issue with my Mexican co-workers, the more I am building a belief that we are exploiting the immigrant workers. How come there is so much outrage in regards to sweatshops in Asia but not much concern when we are underpaying people domestically?

As part of the WalMart generation who believes in obtaining goods at the lowest price possible irregardless to the impact on local businesses, it creates a dilemma as to whether I support eliminating the low cost labor that keeps those processes down. Would I pay $4 for a head of lettuce picked by an "American" employee over the $0.99 head picked by an illegal alien?

Much Needed Remake

2006-05-01T06:10:00.000-05:00

Here's next summer's number one box office smash.

The Revenge of the Nerds

No, you didn't timewarp back to 1984. Fox Filmed Entertainment plans on reproducing this classic. Forget about remaking classics like Cool Hand Luke or The Wild Bunch. What the world needs is a second rendition of Booger, Ogre, and Lamar.

Fight The Power

2006-04-27T10:01:00.000-05:00

I got hit with a piece of spam on my post from the other day. Normally I don't like to endorse the spammers because they are typically crazy lunatics saying nothing that needs to be heard. But this one had a message that I thought I should share.

From Fight the Power:
Nice Blog! I liked what you wrote. Here's some information I thought you might like to hear.

I wanted to take this opportunity to inform you of a new organization named P.R.I.C.K. (Pirate Radio Is Censoring the Kingpin). Our organization is determined to prevent the censorship over the air radio endures from occuring on the Boskey Radio West radio network.

The internet has proven to be the last frontier for unlimited expression of ones own beliefs and interests.

Where else can a man go to see a woman and a donkey in the sweet act of monkey love? Even the police in Tijuana are cracking down on these tastefully choreographed artistic expression. But it is available on the internet.
Where can a teenager learn the classic craft of bomb making in the anonymity of his own home? Only on the internet.
Where can a drunk spew non-sensical ramblings for an hour at a time? Ask Fig, he'll tell you only on the internet.

But when a man, known as the Kingpin, wants to play a little music that is unavailable on any other networks do you think THE MAN will allow him to do so? Noooooooooo.

He had just hoped to bring a little joy and excitement to his listening audience. Maybe expose them to some new artists that they might not normally listen to. Perhaps show the world that there are other genre's that are not available in the main stream media. All the while provided his listeners with the appropriate background music for a future session of penguin love.

After spending days preparing for the focus of this effort, brainstorming and networking to provide a body of work relevant enough to introduce to the many fans of the Boskey Radio West network; After logging hours of hard work, neglecting his wife and children, in pursuit of the appropriate music for the show; And after listening to countless bodies of work and ruling them out because they did not meet the standard that the Kingpin's fans would expect; Only after his blood, sweat, and tears were exhausted compiling the perfect inaugural episode was the Kingpin informed that he would be censored by THE MAN and that the inaugural Kingpin Power Hour would never air during his lifetime.

We call out to you, the faithful fans of the man known as the Kingpin, to rise up against the machine and the Reverend Bosk and stop the cruel censorship that is preventing the masses from hearing his message.

Until then, the Kingpin Power Hour will live as an urban legend, passed along through bootlegged cd's. Have faith, his music will be heard.

The AskFig show airs on Thursday nights at 9:00 CST on Boskey Radio West. Check out the AskFig website for show details.

The True Immigration Issue

2006-04-25T06:23:00.000-05:00

The President has recently stated that our number one priority as a nation is to protect our borders. He has also said that is it not feasible to deport all of the illegal immigrants already in our country. I have taken exception to these two contradictory statements.

If border security is our number one priority, I would have assumed that it was for nation security. But if national security is in jeopardy because bad people and/or things can come across easily, isn’t a policy to not depot naive in that it would assume that the bad people haven’t already crossed?

Is our government assuming that the terrorists weren’t smart enough to cross already and are waiting to cross some time in the future?

I challenge the politicians and the media to properly label this issue. This is not an illegal immigration problem. If it were, we’d be talking about securing the Canadian border, the ports, the coastline, and airways. The real topic here is Mexican immigration.

What people won’t admit is that they are not concerned about a few thousand immigrants coming over from Europe, Africa, or Asia. American’s are alarmed by the millions of Central Americans filtering in through Mexico.

For me it is simply a matter of numbers. I generally believe that there are the same percentages of derelicts in every region of the world. Let’s say that 2% of the population has criminal tendencies and 5% are likely to draw off of the welfare programs. If 10,000 people cross over the northern border we would be receiving 200 criminals and 500 people drawing public assistance. If 6,000,000 cross through our southern border we have just accepted 120,000 criminals and 300,000 people of public funds. Willingly adding that number of people to an already stressed system is quite alarming.

Obviously I am pro-border control. But let’s call a spade a spade. If the media and politicians could get around to identifying the true issue, maybe we can move forward towards a resolution.

Don't Call It A Comeback

2006-04-24T06:08:00.000-05:00

I’ve been engulfed in The Godfather Returns on audiobook for the past two weeks. I apologize if the topics on this blog have been lighter than usual. I recommend this novel to everyone. I must warn you that the audiobook was 17 cd’s and 21 hours long so I can only assume that this sequel matches Mario Puzo’s original in size.

Be on the lookout. Hopefully things will get more interesting around here.

Swingset Project, Days 3 & 4

2006-04-21T14:05:00.000-05:00

I may have finally gotten the hang of getting this thing assembled. While I am at work my father-in-law works on putting it together.

Over the past two days, he put in another 12 hours on the project. Since I had completed the foundation he was able to work a little faster. Over those twelve hours he has made it up to step 28.

Status: 24 hour worked. Completed 28 steps of 90!
Swing Set Project 31% Complete
(Basement Project 75% Complete)

The New Meaning of Easter

2006-04-19T06:58:00.000-05:00

Where the hell did the Easter Bunny come from? This is so much further and beyond Santa Claus it is ridiculous.

What colored pill makes you believe that a rabbit is going to come into your house and hide hard boiled eggs throughout your house? I almost think that the creator of this concept had to be stoned. "Dude, I think there is a rabbit in the house. I'm getting the munchies. Dude, I bet he hid some eggs around here, let's look for them!"

I thought the concept of Christmas was getting commercialized but at least the spirit is still there. You have the whole "Gift of Giving" thing going on and "It's better to give than to receive." But Easter, there isn't anything about the holiday that relates to the resurrection of Christ. Eggs? A bunny? The hunt? Easter Baskets?

Let me take a hit off the ole bong here and try to put it all together:
The eggs represent Christ and his body being placed in the cave. The Easter Bunny repreJewss the jews that put him there. We hunt for the eggs like Mary Magdalene went to the cave searching for the body of Christ. And the Easter Basket represents the gift of Christ rising again.

Don't get me wrong, I love any excuse to load up on Reese Peanut Butter Eggs and Robins Eggs. I'm just wondering how long it will be before my kids realize that the 6 foot tall rabbit they are visiting is actually some guy named Bill in a polyester costume.

A Hoosier Moment

2006-04-18T05:29:00.000-05:00

Again I do not claim to be a Hoosier, I am an Illinois transplant. But the weekend before last I had a very Hoosier experience.

After my daughters soccer game another couple from the neighborhood invited us to go to an Easter egg hunt. It was at a Farm two towns south of the soccer field. The Farm was a tourist attraction that had a restaurant, cheese store, ice cream shop, and other attractions. They were holding an Easter festival that included the egg hunt as well as a visit by the Easter Bunny and a couple of inflatibles for the kids to jump around in.

We agreed and began our adventure. I had forgotten how big farm towns actually are. Where we live is actually the southeast suburbs of Chicago. Although it is out of state, most of the people work in the city. However, I am pretty much on the edge of civilization. There is one more town south of us and then you are in farm country. The soccer fields are in the next town south so two towns past that ended up being 20 miles down the road!

We arrived just in time for the 4-6 yr olds Easter Egg hunt. Having missed the earlier one because of the trek we just voyaged we line the three 3 yr old girls up with about 50 other kids. The field in front of them is about 100’ x 100’ and is completely littered with plastic Easter eggs. There is no hunt here, it’s scoop up as many as you can. The siren goes off and in about 30 seconds the field is bare. It looked like a cartoon where the heard of sheep/cows completely strips a field of grass. Between the three girls they were able to grab a total of five eggs.

Next we venture over to the Easter bunny and have the kids pictures take. They tell us to go into the barn behind the bunny to pick up our photos. It’s a modern barn with a hallway down each side and an amphitheater in center. In the first hallway they are doing face painting so the girls jump in line and me and the boy wandered ahead. I peak into the theater and see that there are two cows up on the stage, each in their own glass cage. After about 10 minutes of giggling at the poop coming out of cow #1’s rear end I glance over at cow #2. I look and see something coming out of the back of cow #2 and it wasn’t poop. There are four hooves coming out. What I thought was going to be a lecture about cows, maybe milking or something, is actually a birthing room. I look around and there are 50-60 people just watching.

Totally baffled I go back to the girls and tell the adults what’s going on in the other room. Mysteriously, I am drawn back there and continue to watch. Five minutes later a brown basketball inflates right before my eyes. Only it’s not a basketball and it pops and fluid shoots out for about 45 seconds as if it were being shot by a fire hose.

After about another 20 minutes the girls arrive with fresh war paint and we move on. There are ankles showing but I’ve seen enough. We make our way to the other hallway and pick up our photos and admire the four calves that have already been born that day.

That was my Hoosier experience, watching cows give birth the weekend before Easter.

Swingset Project, Days 1 & 2

2006-04-17T06:40:00.000-05:00

We bought the kids a swing set this winter because it was a great deal. We saw it at Sam's Club and it was priced about $1000 less than it sold for on several online sites. With the recent break in the weather here in Chicagoland I decided to begin assembling this behemoth.

To preface, my 3 year old daughter has been asking about it every time there was a sunny day. Knowing that I did not want to begin before the temp broke 70 degrees I kept telling her that we needed nicer weather. When the temp did break 70 I told her that that day was too windy (it was).

This past Thursday I logged a half day at the office. It was beautiful outside and I had been planning on starting this new adventure. As soon as I got into the house she came up to me and stated “Daddy, it’s warm outside and not too windy.” I said “Yes I know” to which she replied “Can we build my swing set?” and followed up with an “I can help.” To her surprise I agreed to begin.

This swing set came in four boxes. They weighed 150, 175, 225, and 250 pounds each. Two giant Indiana farm boys assisted in loading up the van we borrowed to take it home. Once home, it was up to me and the little woman had to unload the quarter ton load by ourselves. For the past 3 months it loomed in the corner of the garage.

Day 1
On day one I unpacked two of the boxes and labeled the pieces with masking tape. I then watched the DVD that came with it that told me to label the pieces with masking tape. You’d think I’d done this before. Then I began to put it together. After a total of 4 hours I was on step three. The structure was more wobbly than Fig after a night in Milwaukee but we were on our way.

Day 2
After the first day my daughter lost all hope that this would be done anytime soon. She was also much less enthusiastic about assisting. But as a dutiful father I soldiered on. After another 4 hours I completed steps 4-10.

Status: 8 hours worked. Completed 10 steps of 90.
Swing Set Project 11% complete
(Basement Project 75% complete)

He's Back

2006-04-13T22:04:00.000-05:00

In case you didn't notice, Fig Equals Good is back in service.

Obviously, I am suffering from writers block

Bad Medicine or Bad Lyrics?

2006-04-11T06:03:00.000-05:00

As a follow up to my previous post I wanted to submit this fine gem of lyrical poetry.

I need a respirator cause I'm running out of breath.
You're an all night generator wrapped is stockings and a dress
When you find your medicine you take what you can get
Cause if there's something better baby well thay haven't found it yet

The Old Man

2006-04-10T11:13:00.000-05:00

I thought that I was getting old when I starting hearing the music I listened to in high school being played on the “Classic Rock” stations. It was tough hearing Guns N Roses classified as classic for the first time. I was able to appease myself since the station also played “instant classics”.

While sitting in the barber chair this weekend I have a very rude awakening. Now I am hearing the rock bands I went to see in concert on easy listening stations. I couldn’t believe my ears. I had to ask the stylist if we were indeed listening to the easy listening station. My fears were confirmed when the next song was a Bee Gees tune.

Now I understand that late 80’s rock and roll was not the toughest era in music. But I still can’t believe that it played on the easy listening station. And it wasn’t even a ballad!

The song that caused this trepidation:

Bon Jovi – You Give Love A Bad Name

It's Contagious

2006-04-07T17:08:00.000-05:00

I apologize for calling anyone out about blogging and promise to never do it again.

I am realizing that not blogging is as contagious as blogging. When my tiny blogger world was blogging daily I was right there with them. Now that they are dropping off like flies I find myself being more sporadic as well.

Look for me to update my list of blog links soon. I need to find some additional daily bloggers to keep me interested and posting for your bemusement.

Wal-Mart Spring Break

2006-04-03T06:07:00.000-05:00

I’ll admit it, I shop at Wal-Mart and don’t believe it is a bad thing. I save about 10-15% on everything I purchase compared to other retail shops. Now we’re just talking consumer goods, not clothing, and some food products.

Now I can think of worse places to spend my spring break but I can see how a Drake University student spend almost two days at Wally World.

FOOD
First question would be how to obtain enough substance to keep going. The Wal-Marts around me have either a Subway or McDonalds in them. After seeing “Supersize Me” I think I’d opt for the Gerald diet over a continued Big Mac attack. Since that store is not a Supercenter I would have to gain additional substance from the assortment of snack foods they sell. I imagine I could go a week on subs and ho-ho’s/

SLEEP
I think the kid went wrong in his approach to try and sleep in the restrooms. Last thing you want to do in a Wal-Mart bathroom is fall off the throne. Lawn and Garden may be a good idea if you can find a secluded piece of furniture. I may have tried the clothing department. Find yourself a nice garment rack full of moo moos and take a dive. The other idea would be a dressing room. Either way, frequent cat naps would be the way to go over prolonged sleeps.

ENTERTAINMENT
The obvious solution here is the electronics department. Plop yourself down in front of the TV’s and watch the latest Disney movie for a few hours. Personally, I’d get a hold of the XBox consol and challenge waiting pre-teens for hours on end. Of course, the most entertaining option at Wal-Mart is people watching. You have your choice of customers or employees. My favorite is watching two dimwitted yokels, a customer and cashier, go at it at the checkout line over the price of generic shampoo which neither uses more than twice a week. It is best to observe this from a distance since their bodily emissions may be too much for your olfactory senses.

If only Wal-Mart served booze and held wet t-shirt contests, then the Spring Break would be complete.

Hoosier Law

2006-03-31T06:06:00.000-06:00

I do not consider myself a Hoosier, I am an Illinois transplant. But lately I’ve been noticing that the governing body in Indiana is not afraid to buck the recent trend of politically correct laws and those that defend the rights of criminals. Here is an example of lawmaking that actually makes me proud.

Ind. governor signs no-retreat gun law
March 23, 2006

INDIANAPOLIS -- Gov. Mitch Daniels signed into law legislation endorsing Indiana residents' right to use deadly force against intruders, a change that prevents courts from ruling that individuals should flee first before using a gun.

The legislation signed into law Tuesday states that Hoosiers do not have to retreat before using deadly force to prevent serious bodily injury to themselves or someone else. AP

Church and State

2006-03-30T06:48:00.000-06:00

The other day a coworker of mine mentioned in to me that the US was thinking about getting involved in the case of the Afghani man arrested for converting to Christianity. My mind quickly flipped the script as I wondered if this violated the concept of division of Church and State.

Dusting off my ACLU hat, I began to think that by interfering in this manner, isn’t the United States pushing Christianity on the Muslim law. I know the US approach is to help guarantee a persons right to practice freedom. But doesn’t forcing a nation to accept a religion introduce the ideology of religion to politics. And wouldn’t that violate the principle of separation of church and state.

Here is where I call out the liberal agenda. If you are not allowing the Ten Commandments to be displayed on government grounds because it establishes religion and violates the rights of the religion-free and government should be religion free then shouldn’t you oppose any policy that interferes with religious practices.

To take it to an extreme, isn’t the government oppressing the Muslim religion by not allowing them to follow their religion and execute this man as their religion states?

Prologue
Obviously, I don’t believe this man should die for being a Christian and I support the government in assisting this man in receiving asylum. I just hate the hypocrisy that lurks around the topic of Church and State. Let kids say “under God”, let public buildings state guidelines like “don’t kill” and “don’t cheat on your wife”, and if you don’t believe in any God then don’t infringe on my liberties to do so.

Radio Topics Needed

2006-03-29T09:22:00.000-06:00

I will be guest hosting the Ask Fig Show on Boskey Radio West tomorrow - Thurs March 30th. Showtime is 9:00 pm CST.

In addition to getting an update on Fig's fascinating love life I am willing to discuss anything. Therefore, feel free to give me topics for this weeks discussion. I guarantee that if you give me a topic it will be addressed.

To get to the show follow the Boskey Radio West link. I suggest using LIVE365.
For in show comments use any of the following methods:

IM me at kingpin1613 on Yahoo!
IM the host at gilmanc283 on Yahoo! or gilmanc on Skype or AIM
email the show at askfig@bosk.com
call in at 708-231-0USA / 708-231-0872

Join us tomorrow, we may entertain you, we may bore you, we may piss you off.

Happy Birthday To Me

2006-03-27T09:13:00.000-06:00

Where's my gifts, dammit!?!?!

I'm a Man

2006-03-24T09:34:00.000-06:00

"I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science. " - Ron Burgundy

World Champions

2006-03-22T05:20:00.000-06:00

There has been some debate on the sports radio stations after the United States poor performance in the World Baseball Classic as to whether the Chicago White Sox should still be called the World Champions.

As a Sox fan I may be taking this a little more personally than other baseball fans. But I wanted to give the concept its proper analysis.

First off the timing was poor for the American players. Having this event at the beginning of spring training only raised concerns. Pitchers were afraid to throw out their arms, position players were out of shape. Now it may have simply been that the Americans did not approach this event with the same seriousness of other nations. The US coach said that if he had to do it again he would have at a minimum held a mini-camp to get the players acting as a team.

Secondly, this was not even the best that the US had to offer. Many of our best players either refused the invitation or pulled out prior to the start of the event. While many nations were putting forth their all-star teams, we were putting forth the best we could get to go. Again, this may have just been apathy by our multi-millionaire athletes.

Also, I don’t like the format. The round robin format isn’t conducive to baseball. The reason there is 162 games in a season is because on any given day any team can win a ball game. The US was twice on the verge of elimination because they lost 1 game. The championship round is a must win. Just as the best team doesn’t usually win the NCAA tournament, the tournament format doesn’t indicate that the best team is the champion.

My biggest argument against pulling the World Champion moniker from the MLB champion is that the team didn’t lose. The White Sox did not lose in the WBC, the US team did. My suggestion would be to take the champions from all of the leagues internationally and have them participate in a playoff similar to MLB. Let the teams square off in best of five series’.

I know the argument is that MLB has taken all of the best players from around the world. But the recent trend is sports has shown that the best “team” wins the championship, not the most talented. Only then can you take the title away.